I’ve known most of my life that I would never have children. It’s never seemed like a big deal to me. And it never seemed like a big deal to my friends, family or associates when I was a child. But now I realize it’s because they didn’t take me the least bit seriously. After all, what five-year-old knows they’ll never have kids? But then I got older. And I turned into Ashley the responsible one. Ashley, who has “old people sense,” and thinks things through logically to find the best option. And suddenly everyone started to take me seriously. That was the problem. If I said I wasn’t going to have kids, it wasn’t going to happen. For some reason, that was not an option.
Even now I don’t know why it matters so much to everyone else whether or not I have kids. I can understand that most people end up reproducing. But whenever I get into a debate, I can’t help but ask the person, “Why does it matter so much to you?” They never have an answer. What can they say? Their only option is to admit that they are nosy busy-bodies.
My choice shouldn’t matter at all to anyone else. But it does because it’s not “normal.” And that’s why Purple Women needs voices. So that our lives and who we are can become accepted as normal. We don’t deserve to be ignored simply because we are a minority. We do deserve to be counted just like mothers. The world wide web is huge. There is plenty of space for us. Hopefully more women-centered blogs will make some room for us.
[...] Don’t ask me why I don’t want to have children. Ask yourselves why you feel the need to have them. Ask yourselves why you feel the need to inflict your view on me. [...]
Pingback by It’s Furious Balancing » Blog Archive » Invasion of the Invisible Purple Women — November 16, 2007 @ 12:46 am
My feelings and experience are very similar. I’ve just “known” it wasn’t something I wanted to do.
Comment by Laiane — November 16, 2007 @ 1:15 am
Hear hear. I started asking to get my tubes tied when I was 18, but like you, I wasn’t taken seriously. I got hit with what we now recognize as classic “breeder bingoisms” — “You’re too young, what if you change your mind, what if you meet Mr. Right and he wants kids, who will take care of you when you get old,” blah blah quack quack, ad infinitum. Well, here I am 21 years later, and still as adamantly childfree as I was then.
And much as it would be nice for sites like BlogHer to recognize us, BlogHer in particular seems so mommy-focused, I think we should seriously ask ourselves if we even *want* to be there.
Comment by Angry Grrl — November 16, 2007 @ 3:46 am
Great post – this hits one of the central points of why CF people are made so uncomfortable. The Question and its variants are mainstays of the those who have nothing better to do than intrude into other people’s lives.
Comment by Philadelphia Bunnyface — November 16, 2007 @ 3:52 am
Here here! I agree totally. Great blog, I linked to you. Hope you stop by and check out my new blog.
Comment by GottabeMe — November 29, 2007 @ 3:49 pm