There’s a choice? I was nineteen years-old when I realized that I could choose not to have children (seems rather late in life, but quite honestly I never thought about having them as well). I think a comment made by a writer I read in a philosophy class I took, about all women wanting to be mothers (or missing out if they didn’t/couldn’t have children), sent me over the edge. “Don’t Assume!” I nearly yelled in the middle of class. There were more important things than reproducing weren’t there?
I value my mind more than my uterus, as it can do so much more and give so much more. And yet, at first I felt as though I were alone until I surfed the Internet and ran across a few forums and web sites about not wanting children. However, I still felt invisible. Sure, there was a place where I could go to chat with other CF people, but in the real world, it was a bit harder. I got my first “bingo” while talking to a relative about my decision to not have children. I thought he would be understanding in my decision, after all we were pretty close and I could talk to him about a lot of things. But it surprised me– instead of support, the response was that all women wanted children and that I was being too rational.
After running into similar situations, I soon thought it was almost impossible to be taken seriously so I stopped bringing it up all together. The same kinds of things happened as I began to find my own beliefs and ways of living (such as being an Atheist and not wanting to date or be in a relationship of any sort). I stopped talking about those things too.
Eventually I realized I really shouldn’t stop talking about the things I believe. After all, if I must listen to people talk about the importance of their religion, their children, their relationships, and how I should respect their beliefs, I thinks it’s only fair that I get the same sort of respect too. Retreating into silence only further hurt me and I learned that lesson well. I haven’t quite found my footing, but it’s something I’m working on. I’ve learned that the best way to become visible is to speak up and speak out about the things that are very important to me.
Thank you for speaking up! I think the more of us who talk about being childfree, or about having non-mainstream religious views, the more acceptable these ideas will become. One of the strengths of the Internet is that it enables us to find others of like mind and form communities, even if they’re just virtual ones.
Comment by Angry Grrl — November 15, 2007 @ 8:47 pm
That is true. Even though sometimes it’s easier just to shut people up or avoid the topic, if we don’t answer their questions and share our views and feelings, then we remain invisible, and the choice of being CF remains an obscure option that most people aren’t aware of.
Comment by GottabeMe — November 29, 2007 @ 3:56 pm